You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
