I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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