when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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