I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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