dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
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I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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