i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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