i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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