guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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