Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
