I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
