I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
