Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
COCAINE IS GR8
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
