Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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