This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
