Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
