it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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