I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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