One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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