if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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