kristin has been a bad kristin
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
