Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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