We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
