I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
