Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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