Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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