I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
