You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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