weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
