all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
