Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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