After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
