Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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