i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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