So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
