He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize