They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
