Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
