I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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