Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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