when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
