I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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