Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think i got beer on your cat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
