i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
