I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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