i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
