Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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