I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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