I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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