So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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