At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i dont even know how to be here
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
