Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
