I faked an abortion last night.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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