girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
