Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
