so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
