i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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