cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
