Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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