She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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