She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
