I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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