I'd wear matching sweaters with you
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
