I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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