it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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