I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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