if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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