jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
